Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
God, I missed his penis.
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