I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
