Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
