Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
