last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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