i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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