I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
