So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
