Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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