Buhtt sex?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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