I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
