hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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