I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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