the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
