Her vagina should come with caution tape.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
