Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
