my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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