from now on my penis is your penis
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
