and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
