This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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