Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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