when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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