Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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