Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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