they need to just BURY HIM!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
