i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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