all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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