Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
