Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we have pet lesbian snakes
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My vagina just clenched in fear
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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