ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
