I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
