I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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