For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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