she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
