I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
