I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Houston, we have a squirter
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
