oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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