chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
