Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
