do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
