ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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