Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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