This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
