sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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