Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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