im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
