You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
