she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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