Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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