i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
