Are we in a gay sports bar?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
