so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
