Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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