i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
