I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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