Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
