I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
