My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
