he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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