i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
