dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
