i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
