I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
3 2 1 whiskey
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
