Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
