South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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