It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
