sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
