Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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