I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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