sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
