its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
