Jerry, you need to find god
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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